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6:40

Download Resolving Conflicts with Coworkers or Family Members mp4 download free video

Psychologist, Dr Bill Crawford looks at the problem conflict among coworkers and family members and gives us a new way to look at both the problem and the solution Learn more about Dr Crawford s unique philosophy "Life from the Top of the Mind" by visiting his website (www BillCrawfordPhD com) "You never change people by fighting their existing reality " ~ Adapted from Buckminster Fuller I have a similar version of this quote on another page of my website under the heading, "Change " However, I have chosen to alter it a bit, and apply it to dealing with conflict with coworkers or family members, because I like how it describes the problem, i e the tendency to try to deal with others by "fighting their existing reality," or trying to convince them that what they believe to be true is wrong When we do this, what often happens is that the person we are trying to convince begins to argue more vehemently for the very position and or behavior we are trying to get them to change I bet if you think back to most conflicts in the past, you will recognize this tendency Therefore I suggest we do several things First, we need to truly understand their "existing reality," or what they believe We don t have to agree with this, but they must know that we can understand what is important to them, because otherwise, they will just continue to try to convince us of the righteousness of their perspective This is why almost all courses in communication and or conflict resolution prescribe listening for understanding as a critical factor in success What they don t tell you, however, is the importance of the next step, i e , moving the discussion from the past to the future, and from the brainstem (or the lower 20% of the brain) to the neocortex (the upper 80%) This is because the neocortex (what I call the "Top of the Mind") is where we make purposeful decisions, access our interpersonal skills, and formulate plans for the future, while the brainstem is where we generate all the righteous indignation that blocks our ability to resolve conflict Therefore, if our goal is truly to resolve the conflict (versus win the debate) then we must be in this upper 80%, and then, we must get them to shift to this more rational part of the brain, as well A huge factor in this shift is whether we are talking about the past or the future Generally a discussion about the past is unproductive, because they will remember it one way while you remember it another This often results in a "Who s right!" debate, and rarely leads to a resolution to the conflict If we can shift the conversation to a discussion about the future, however, we have a much better chance of finding common ground and crafting agreements that everyone can support That s because the future is always about what we want to create and what we want to try, versus who s to blame for some problem in the past Of course, all of this is easier said than done, and often requires a third party to facilitate a future-oriented agreement As a psychologist and organizational consultant, I have had the pleasure of working with many teams and several families in creating this shift, and I always find this sort of challenge to be both exciting and rewarding Therefore, if your organization, team, work group, or family is stuck in conflict, and you don t feel you are equipped to facilitate a solution, feel free to contact me and let s see what we can create Or, if you would like me to teach you how to to step into these types of situations and be effective, I would be happy to do that as

7:41

Download How to Deal with Anxiety and Family Conflict mp4 download free video

As a National Certified Therapist and Calm Expert, John answers another question submitted to him on Twitter How to Deal with Anxiety and Family Conflict? The Calm Files Ep 10 *** Sign up for John s FREE Keep Calm Survival Kit www keepcalmacademy com kit John Cordray is a National Certified Therapist and The Calm Expert and he has been helping people learn to keep calm since 2005 Stop making excuses for feeling bad, stop blaming others for your behavior, and start taking action on your life right now! John is one of the few therapists who leverages social media and live-streaming platforms to reach a vast audience needing to hear his message John also uses his expertise in psychology and human behavior as a business consultant and motivational speaker to encourage and inspire people from all walks of life take ownership of their mindset A good example of leveraging the power of social media and bridging it with psychology, John spoke (twice) at The Periscope Summit in 2016 on overcoming the mindset of public speaking broadcasting and cyber bullying "Your mind is your most valuable asset, use it wisely " - John Cordray Find John at his website www johncordray com Facebook www facebook com calmwithjohn Twitter www twitter com johnpcordray Periscope www periscope tv johnpcordray Instagram www instagram com johnpcordray Medium medium com @JohnPCordray Snapchat Username JohnPCordray Google+ s plus google com u 0 1039948236246182

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